Addictive Spending

In light of troubled economic times, we can all use a bit of discretion in how and why we spend our money. So, in the spirit of contributing to the greater good I have compiled a list of ways to effectively save your hard earned cash. Also, I am hoping it will entice me to take my own advice in terms of slashing spending.
First off, with the holidays drawing near you will encounter requests to join your friends and family who are in town at the local pub of choice. Obviously, the prices are jacked up when going out, courtesy of that favorite establishment of yours. So, I suggest pre-drinking at home and then going out. Mix your favorite cocktail and invite your friends to join you at your place prior to going out. That way once you are ready to go out you will already be a bit liquored up, thus saving on the number of drinks purchased. Plus, you will be ready to dance once you get there, again saving on the unnecessary process of drinking in order to socialize....that is a suggestion for all of you socially awkward folks who feel self-conscious about dancing in front of strangers. If you chose to pre drink and you do not have reliable public transportation, I highly suggest a designated driver....after all you are not saving any money by getting into a car accident or getting a DUI....both are mighty expensive.
Along the same lines of going out and drinking. I highly recommend developing a flirtatious personality. You see, by being flirty you are increasing your chances of having someone else pay for your next drink. If you are more of the quiet, withdrawn type simply put on the most slutty outfit imaginable as this will immediately draw attention. Ladies, simply slut it up and head out to your local ladies night....this is a sure fire way to score free drinks from the legions of hopeful bachelors. This method will also work for gay men. But, I preface this by suggesting you bring along a friend who will look out for your best interest. Without your buddy, you might end up waking up next to some troll, having to gnaw your arm off in order to get out of bed unnoticed.
My next tip is one that most everyone has heard of....it is called the "Latte Factor." I know that in our addiction based society, that coffee is essential in getting through the day, but do you realize just how much you are spending at your local Starbucks? Currently, a tall, or 12-ounce, cup of Starbucks coffee costs $1.40 to $1.65. Twelve-ounce lattes cost $2.40 to $3.10, depending on the market, and a tall mocha costs $2.70 to $3.40. Over the course of a week, that number will certainly add up...multiply that by 4 weeks a month and 12 months a year and you will be astonished at how much you could save. Now, I know everyone needs a Tall, non-fat, mocha, no whip in their diet....but do you honestly need it once or twice a day? Sticking with the addiction theme, this one is for all you smokers out there. Cigarettes strangely enough cost money, and a lot of it. I was recently in Chicago where the average pack costs nearly ten dollars. Obviously, the cost differs by market, nonetheless, it is an added expense that can easily be curtailed with a little will power and restraint. Honestly, didn't you just have a smoke break?? Is another one really necessary? Plus, they have linked all kinds of health problems that require a doctor's visit and we all know that the in the U.S. health care is simply not that affordable....Do you really want to take the risk ? If you have to smoke, cut back on the chain smoking and pick up another hobby, one that is more healthy for you....Or, buy those little candy cigarettes, blow the sugar smoke out of them and then chew the gum. They are much cheaper than real cigarettes and you can still relieve stress while having wonderfully fresh breathe.
Moving on, the next tip is for those of you who love to eat fast food. I know it is a daily ritual to visit the golden arches of McDonalds, or the pigtailed, freckle faced Wendy, or the bobble head with a top hat, Jack in the Box. I have no problem with your infatuation for fatty foods, however, for the sake of health and wealth I suggest restraint from "Supersizing." First of all, do you really need those extra fries and that giant sized soda that won't even fit in your car cup holder. Secondly, the average upsize costs anywhere between .39 and .43 cents....that adds up over the course of a week, month and year. Hey, every little penny does count afterall.
If you follow the suggestions above, I promise you will save money, feel better, and look better.
Honestly, all of my suggestions go hand in hand and effect a lot of other unnecessary spending. For example, if you refrain from smoking, you may not have to make the extra trip to the dry cleaners that week...also less starbucks reduces the risk of coffee spills on that nice white dress shirt or blouse of yours. If you refrain from eating fast food every day, it will save your waist line, thus you do not have to buy different sizes of clothes every couple of months. I encourage everyone to put forth their best effort to be cost conscious in these troubled times....after all we have a responsibility to uphold. Feel free to add your favorite suggestions to mine, just like you, I could learn a thing or two about economic restraint. Now, it is off to Starbucks....er...maybe I will just brew my coffee at home today.